Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Cornered


I haven't been posting much lately. I've been feeling pretty terrible, and I decided to eschew public self-abuse for a change.

Well, the missus is going away for a couple of weeks. She's leaving Thursday. This means I'll have the option of celebrating Christmas by getting drunk by myself in the dark, thus fulfilling a long-standing ambition.

In order to try and keep from letting my recent paralytic depression waste the next stretch of free time, I'm going to be blogging on a daily basis. I'll lay out my ambitions for the day, and report on how well I did the day before.

So. I'm still recovering from the road trip, so I'll take it light. Today I'll sign up for next semester's classes, go to the bank and find out about another loan possibility, and catch up on the emails I missed while I was gone to Oregon. (I'll fill you in on this later.)

We'll see how I do. I'm reasonably optimistic, considering.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Toward Pretensionism 3


Or How I Learned To Start Worrying When I Stopped Hating Roy Lichtenstein

On Tuesday I had an experience that will have long-term effects on the way I feel about the fine arts. My digital photography class had a field trip to a showing at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. I was in, shall we say, an emotionally vulnerable state. I was feeling weak and helpless, and the idea of entering into a temple of privilege was not something that held a lot of appeal for me at that moment. I wandered around the city for half an hour before meeting the rest of the group, and came very close to just going home.

As someone who began to study art with the intention of learning how to illustrate comic books, I've always had conflicted feelings about the world of fine art and just about all of those feelings have been negative. I've felt threatened, overwhelmed, judged, intimidated, mistrustful, and scornful of much fine art, or rather, of the social and academic structures surrounding the actual works.

These feelings are best understood in a context of class. I am a member of the working class, what Tom Wolfe would refer to as a stone prole. While many participants in the fine arts have similar backgrounds, the context of the fine arts is relentlessly upper class.

I've already used the term 'temple of privilege.' What I mean by this is... well, think about what a museum or a high-end gallery looks like, what it feels like to be in that space. Vast, airy, quiet, well-lit, impeccably painted and maintained, guarded -- these spaces are temples. One has a sense of reverence generated and enforced by architecture. And this context is specifically the product of wealth. I don't feel comfortable in these spaces. I feel excluded, unwanted, and inadequate. I also feel angry, envious, and resentful.Smaller galleries and public art spaces attempt to mimic this effect with less and less effectiveness as the budget in question shrinks.

When thinking in terms of the allocation of public funds, it's difficult to imagine an aware member of the working classes choosing to support these spaces over education, public transportation, and all of the other obvious inadequately supported elements of our lives. Frankly, it would do more good for the arts to have larger numbers of smaller institutions similar to the art labs of dole-era Britain, where people would be given the opportunity to create rather than observe. One of the great harms mass culture has inflicted on the human species is the transformation of creativity from activity to product, and art spaces such as the MOMA reinforce the distinction between artist and audience.

Art for the working class consists of reproductions. This predates our current notions of fine and academic art by hundreds of years. The nobility and clergy looked at paintings; the peasants looked at woodcuts. This is still the common experience. My introduction to the arts came through comic books, magazines, and illustrated fiction, and these are my primary models. The fact that so much of my work is digital stems from this -- digital art is inherently reproduced art.

Art for commercial purposes, art for reproduction -- these are, like it or not, regarded as more trivial than what we call the fine arts. And much of the time, these works are trivial. The serious work done in these forms is typically first recognized outside of the culture that generates them -- look at the French appreciation of American comics, or European appreciation of Japanese brocade prints. Inside their home culture, those who produce these works are not given the respect afforded to fine artists. And when they are? The sign that they have arrived is that they have a show in a major gallery or museum. Art intended for reproduction is thought of as second-rate. And my intention to work in the arena which is most natural to me has always left me feeling as though I am a second-rater, regardless of how well, how seriously I work.

When my involvement in art led me to study the works of what are referred to as the great artists, I did not have the opportunity to study their works. I studied reproductions of their works. The words of my teachers and my few experiences of museums and galleries made it plain to me that there is very little in common between the experiences of seeing a work reproduced in miniature and seeing it in person. So much of the information in a hand-crafted work of art is eliminated or changed in the process of reproduction that it's difficult to see more than a rough resemblance between the two modes. While it is possible to learn much from a reproduction, the true emotional impact of a work derives from its physical presence.

What this visit to the MOMA really taught me was how much of that experience is dependent on the physical attributes of an art space as well as the work itself. How the grammar of the space informs the dialog between the work and its audience.

As someone with both janitorial and building experience, it's impossible for me to enter a museum without an awareness of the effort and finances involved in its construction and maintenance. The two thoughts this provoked in me were first, that the physical skills involved in keeping the marble, the glass, the chrome and brushed aluminum shining and free of fingerprints, the installation of the drywall, the mudding and taping and painting of the walls and ceilings -- these skills are actually very similar and in some cases identical to the physical skills involved in the execution of a work of art.

The second thought was that the mood, the tone inherent in a museum is found in two other types of public space -- banks and churches. In all these cases, it is a sense of reverence that is inculcated in the individual, and part of this reverence is unavoidably directed toward the privilege that allows these spaces to be constructed.

The feeling that one is undergoing a spiritual experience is not-very-subtly heightened in the MOMA by the use of black marble in the entrance. It's a large room with a high ceiling, but the reflective black walls and floor combine with the dim lighting to make a space that I found both oppressive and visually confusing. I felt a sense of relief when I climbed the stairs and emerged into a space defined by comfortable light and unobtrusively warm colors. An open, pleasant space. This application of discomfort followed by ease is a classic element of an initiation process, and it worked on me.

The first work I noticed was a huge canvas, maybe seven or eight feet tall and nearly twice as wide. It was executed in bright, heavily saturated colors and made use of line and large dots used to mimic the Benday dots of reproduction. I liked it. I stared at it for a while. I looked at the impeccable precision with which the paint had been applied to the canvas -- this showed at least as much skill as had been applied to polishing the marble downstairs. More, in fact. The composition was pleasing. The emotional tone of it was practically non-existent and that was fine. The bland confidence of the piece pleased me.

And when I finally went to look at the plaque and see who had done it, I was muttering (mentally -- I was in a bad mood, not a psychotic one) "Don't be Roy Lichtenstein, don't be Roy Lichtenstein."

It was Roy Lichtenstein.

I've always had a nemesis relationship with Lichtenstein's work. His appropriation of compositions from comic books seemed to be shallow, contemptuous, and artsy in the worst sense of the word. I've even done a large scale print that satirized those paintings, and in researching his oeuvre in preparation for that piece, I found myself actually growing angry at his treatment of commercial and popular culture.

But when I was face to face with one of his works, my reaction was one I had feared for years. I liked it. I respected it. And I no longer felt comfortable with my scorn.

Of course this disturbed me. One of my most important emotional defenses against the oppression I felt from the world of the fine arts has been the feeling, vague at first, that a lot of that stuff was fraudulent.

At first I felt as though that feeling was reflective of ignorance, of an inferior capacity to appreciate art. But when I read an article in Art World magazine about a company that repaired conceptual art, I felt confirmed in my belief.

There were two pieces in particular that left me feeling comfortable with dismissing them without seeing them. One was a pile of Sweet & Low packets that the artist had dumped from a carton onto the floor. A visitor to the gallery had kicked it. The Sweet & Low packets were gathered and meticulously rearranged to duplicate photographs that had been taken of the original installation. And there were doubts expressed about the validity of the piece post-repair. After all, they hadn't been able to duplicate its internal structure!

Hoo-boy.

The other piece was an eighty-pound wad of butter that a sculptor in the Netherlands had jammed into the corner of his studio, up at the ceiling. (Shall we discuss willful eccentricity? Not knowing the artist in question, we shall refrain.) A Spanish collector walks comes to visit, sees the butter wad, and says, "I must have it." Said wad is transferred to a room in Barcelona. Where -- believe it or not, art fans -- it melts.

In the course of reproducing this work, the company in question found that different countries produced butter that melted at different temperatures. In order to properly duplicate the original, they needed to use Dutch butter. And the room it was displayed in had to be refrigerated.

You can understand how the word fraud seemed applicable.

But the sight of the Lichtenstein drove home a thought that had been lurking in in the back of my mind throughout my involvement with the arts.

What if I'd seen the pile of Sweet & Low packets or the butter wad in their intended context? What if I'd liked them?

Was I going to have to abandon the concept of fraud in the fine arts?

(To Be Continued!)

Monday, September 7, 2009

Interesting Times



Well, I am feeling terrified, depressed, elated, proud, worried, and hopeful. Got a lot of life going on. For those who are interested, lemme fill you in.

The big issue is my mother-in-law, the well-known printmaker and teacher Ruth Leaf. I'm not going to go into details because it ain't your nevermind, but she's going through a serious health crisis and things are not looking good. The missus has been staying with her for the last couple of weeks, but she's coming back tomorrow and the situation is nowhere near to being resolved. I'm concerned both for her and for my wife.

The other issue is that the missus got turned down as a co-signer for my student loan, so I am a broke-ass son of a bitch. This is about as distressing as you'd imagine. I'm going to have to find another co-signer, go on some kind of public support (which I do not want to do, unless it's in the form of an NEA grant or some such), leech off the missus (whose finances aren't that much more cheerful than mine, currently), find some means of earning a living, or wither and die. The last option would be quite unpopular in some quarters, so I'm trying to figure out how to make another one of the others work.

Right now my main concern is avoiding lapsing into a paralytic depression. It would be so easy for me to collapse right now, and the fact that I haven't laid eyes on the missus in a long time makes that even easier. Since she's been gone I've had one night when I slept for six hours; aside from that it's been less than three hours a night, which frees up a lot of time for laying in the dark worrying. Ain't gonna let myself drift into greyspace, though; now is not the time.

But while the above complaints have me going through hell, there's a great deal of hope as well. I've mentioned that the novel is running strong and has been described by an entertainment professional as extremely saleable. Another pal has a possible job offer for me that might get my foot in the copywriting and layout door. And this morning, a guy who's published one of my stories and has another in the hopper sent me an invitation to participate in a documentary on up-and-coming writers. (I seem to be on a few people's radar in that realm...) And I've got Viable Paradise to look forward to -- it's coming up fast.

So what are the plans? I'm gonna send out a mass email to my relatives to see if anyone is willing to co-sign for me. Gonna go down to the rehabilitation department and get myself on the list for assistance. Gonna get hold of some grant forms. Gonna put together a presentation for the above-mentioned job possibility. I'm changing my educational plans -- I'm getting into the editorial program at the UC extension as soon as possible, despite my concerns as to how it might impact my work on the novel. And it may sound crazy, but I think I should apply for work at Pixar.

I'm gonna monetize this blog, set up a Redbubble store, and change my other site to be a professional site dealing with copywriting and design. Now is not the time for me to indulge in self-doubt. Money must be made one way or another.

I can't do everything at once, but today? I can edit a couple of chapters of the novel for Homework Club, edit the submissions for this week's Monday night group, take care of my photography homework, send out my pleading email, and work on that job presentation I mentioned.

No self-pity, no self-flagellation. It's just trouble, and it's not like I've never had trouble before. And I've got to admit there's a certain exhilaration in my complete ignorance of what my life is gonna be like when things return to some sort of equilibrium.

Crazy days, folks, crazy days.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

A Few Thoughts On Goals, Both Realistic And Otherwise


Got a new technique that's thrilling me no end. The inkblot pieces I've been doing for Swill for the last while didn't respond as well to my use of dithering in Photoshop as the photo/scan-based pieces did. So I tried something I've been reluctant to do, which is use the Live Trace feature in Illustrator. It tends to be a bit of a processing hog, produces great big files. Well, given that I'm doing high-resolution multiple-level Photoshop images at four feet on a side, great big files are not my issue. So I went for it.

If you don't know Live Trace, and why should you, it's a function that takes raster input and renders it as a vector file, one that prints with exceptional clarity at any desired size. I'd mess with the Live Trace settings and get quite varied results, none of them entirely satisfactory. So I tried layering different tracings on top of one another, then I used the Expand command to let me manipulate the tracings, saving some sections while erasing others. I found that I was able to build satisfying results this way. I particularly enjoy the extremely varied visual qualities of the results, which you'll be seeing over the next while. It's fun -- unlike line drawings, the inkblots produce extremely unpredictable results, so it's more a matter of producing a new and separate piece of art than simply processing the original for reproduction. The big color prints based on these should be fun -- I've got some cute tricks in mind.

Been ignoring the blog this week while I threw myself headfirst down the next issue of Swill. 's coming along nicely, but it's more work than previous issue. That's because the number of interior illustrations has been upped twice and I've decided to include tailpiece illustrations as well as the full-page versions. Hell, there's even going to be a centerfold. Rob figured out a very felicitous page configuration and the end result is looking to have the strongest visual identity of any issue so far.

Since ol' Craig and Glendon have posted recently on their goals, I'm gonna do the same as well. Goals have been on my mind lately, as my last post can testify.

Here are the short-term goals creative goals. Finish illustrating Swill. Finish and submit my stories and application for the Viable Paradise writer's workshop. Finish the current line-edits on The Ghost Rockers. Do a pterosaur illustration and have fun with it, for chrissakes.

(As an aside, the feedback I'm getting from the writer's groups has made something clear. What I'm thinking of as a relatively easy and minor part of the work -- just sanding a few parts down, putting on a couple of coats of varnish and some wax -- is really, really important to the reader and I was really smart to decide to wait until this is over to send it to an agent.)

If you've been following the blog, here's a pattern you may have noticed. I produce a lot of work; I do it somewhat sporadically; I have a tendency to announce grand ambitions and more of them sputter in the dust than sail to the stars.

So here's my number one big goal for the near future -- focus on improving my work skills. My big breakthrough in this arena was learning how to induce compulsions -- four years on the fucking novel, two art shows in the past year, these are compulsive activities.

But what I'd like is to learn how to put in the hours on projects that are not compulsions. I may have to settle for learning how to induce more than one compulsive behavior at a time.

Next year I have some specific learning goals. I'm going to take Photography and 3-D construction in the fall, then life drawing and Digital Painting in the spring. The next set of Swillistrations will draw from those -- I want to construct my compositions out of a mix of hand-drawn sketches, photographs and scans, and 3-D models, then use digital painting to rework all those references into a finished composition.

I think the end results will be viable commercial illustration; I will be pimping them as such.

And I'll have the next volume of the novel in the works as soon as I'm done with the current line edits, which should only take a few weeks.

So those are all solid, achievable goals which I can legitimately expect to meet, barring fate. In the longer run? Allowing for pipe dreams?

As a writer, I see myself eventually writing a big fat fantasy series alternating with stand-alone projects. The fantasy series is one that's been evolving since childhood; it may well be illustrated.

But before I get to it, I want to write a few crap novels just to have the experience of working quickly. The number of possible book projects I've got in the works is, I'd guess, somewhere in the low teens. I'd like to get to the point where I can can reliably knock out a novel every year or two. It's not the writing that slows me down; it's the planning and conceptual work, and that should be improvable.

I also want to write screenplays. Got the second draft of one finished, currently (and terribly) titled Morrison Blues. When the whole novel is done, a better draft of this script is the first thing I'm going to do. Yes, Mesozoic fans, it's the Morrison you think it is. But wanting to write screenplays is a very different thing than wanting to work in/with Hollywood.

But of course, this is all just the tip of the iceberg.